Caitlinkaitlyn's Journals

Chatons, sâ�™il vous plaÃ®t RÃ©pondre le Chat Chapter Three

Title: Chatons, sâ�™il vous plaÃ®t RÃ©pondre le Chat Author: Caitlin Rating: Overall 17 Pairing: Ryan/Brendon Summary:Brendon Urie keeps the whole wheat bread in the cupboard so when the occasional unwanted visitor drops by it makes the cupboard look good, and Brendon Urie let's the many voices in his head influence his actual life way to much than they should, which can prove to be a problem. Brendon likes to take off all his clothing and slip on some roller-skates, blast his huge-ass surround sound and just go crazy in his late-parents mansion to the Back Street Boys. Brendon Urie wants to be a kid for ever, and for the past 21 years has been succeeding. But things are starting to change, and when Brendon is forced to get a job to help support his addiction to toys, candy, and energy drinks, he find himself a lead acting role... in the children's program, 'The Wiggles'. Brendon feels pretty at home, but the director Ryan is starting to change his outlook on life, and giving him the oddest feelings in his heart and crotch when he stares at Ryan's ass. When he innocently invites Ryan to become his roommate, things only get more and more unfamiliar, and even more unordinary. Disclaimer: This is real. Haha, I lie. One Two When Brendon heard the ping of his door bell, his heart raced as fast as he would be in a few seconds. His feet clad in care bear sock where a blur as he ran and slid down his perfectly shiny marble floor. Today was a good day, the voices told Brendon it was. They where being kind today, which was quite rare, whispering words of encouragement. Before opening the door, Brendon straightened his blouse and quickly pushed down the bottom of his tight jeans with his foot. As fingers wrapped around the cool, gold door knob and the door opened just slightly, Brendon caught a glimpse of a slim, tall figure. It sent him into school girlish hysteria, something he had been experiencing ever since Ryan accepted to take Brendon's hospitality. Brendon fully opened the door. 'OH MY GOD!Hi Ryan! I can't believe your here, it's so amazing I'm going to pee myself. Not really though, but it's just so awesome! I swear you'll love it here! I have lots of weed and candy and toys and fun things, and food, and movies, and Guitar Hero, and games, and lube.. No, not lube. I meant weed, LOTS OF WEED!' Ryan stared incredulously as Brendon continued. 'And I promise I will never be mean and throw you out like the other people at your apartment. I will NEVER EVER NEVER EVER EVER NEVER EVER do that to you!' Brendon drew in a long breath and smiled at him as he slightly laughed. He examined his new house mate, noticing his many suitcases which had to be dealt with right away. 'Jesus, let me help you with your bags! After I show you your room I'll give you a tour of my house.. no, our house now! It's our house. I can be the wife and you can be the husband, or you can be the wife! I don't really care, it's up to you.' Brendon didn't even stop to attain Ryan's answer as he just grabbed Ryan's bags and began to talk again. He didn't notice Ryan gaping at the exquisite house, he just kept rambling at an extremely fast and barely comprehendable speeds. 'So this house used to be my parents you know that? Yeah you do because I told you, but they died. I also told you that. But I didn't tell you about the Nazi, did I? No I didn't, well he said he will take away all my money unless I start using it wisely and not spending it on candy and weed and toys. I think you can help me! The Nazi also said since your older and more mature you would be a positive influence. I think he is trippin' because I don't need that, but it's not like I'm not fine with it because I totally and completely am.' Ryan just shook his head as Brendon did a complete 180 in subjects so he chose to keep quiet. Ryan Ross observed the gorgeous paintings of various flowers, most common being Sunflowers and Lavenders, and the exotic looking vases. He found all of his pent of anger, and bad attitude just disappear in Brendon's presense. Ryan found it a little funny how everything was either lavish and overly expensive, and then beside it was a special collectors edition Buzz Light-year doll perched on a nice wooden thing with a gold descriptive sign. Ryan's bed sheets where Aristocats and the effort was sweet, as it made Ryan remember that night they watched that movie. Ryan barely listened as Brendon talked at 1009887 miles per hour, but more examined his face. He watched how Brendon's eyebrows would twitch and move up and down as he spoke and his face break into over-dramatic facial expressions according to the words which tumbled from his mouth. How his eyes would dart everywhere except Ryan's eyes and how he licked his pink puffy lips every time he stopped to take a breath. And when Brendon wasn't talking, Ryan noticed how he was making faces or mumbling things to himself. He was pretty sure Brendon wasn't playing with a full deck of cards but that didn't conflict with the fact that he was very cute. 'Yeah.. so ignore the ribbed condoms, but um.. that's why they're there. OH! I have 3 expresso makers, did I tell you that already?' Ryan also found it cute how Brendon didn't control what came out of his mouth, no matter how embarrassing. 'I like my room alot, Brendon.' Brendon squealed and offered to make Ryan lunch. He grabbed Ryan with a soft hand and galloped downstairs, pulling him. 'I'm so excited Ryan! You don't talk much thou-' Brendon tripped on a stair and tumbled down the last four steps, landing with a painful thud. 'Oooohhhwwww.' Ryan rushed down the stairs and helped Brendon to his feet. 'Are you okay?' Brendon continued to whine about an, 'owie' for about 10 seconds and then got the the look of someone who had just thought up an extremely genius idea. 'Ryan, there is only one way to make my wrist better. You have to kiss it, and then the owie will go away.' Brendon's voice was dead serious, and it made Ryan laugh a little. He almost hesitantly lowered his head to Brendon's outstretched wrist and placed his lips on the invisible owie. 'All better, thanks Ryan! I like your bracelets.. where did you get them?' 'When I was in Africa my Mom got them for me..' Brendon interrupted Ryan and he couldn't help but be a little annoyed. 'Can I make you Lunch now? I have alot of candy and junk food and, like, no good food so if that's a problem don't be afraid to tell me. Like if your one of those health nut people you won't like my food because health nuts don't like the food I eat and I just assumed your one because of your sexy figure...' A pink blush crept into Brendon's cheeks. 'Oh, uhm. I didn't mean to say that. Let's get dinner, oh I mean breakfast! No.. lunch. LUNNCCHH!!' A/N: So I personally really like the first actual chapter, and I hope you do toooooo!! If you read, I would love if you take time to comment or critique or buzz because that's what motivates me! So ENJOY! <333 :DDD Next update is so late because I'm going on a small vaca :)Caitlin xxNext Update: Wensday or Thursday, July 15 or 16

Chatons, sâ�™il vous plaÃ®t RÃ©pondre le Chat Chapter Two

Title: Chatons, sâ�™il vous plaÃ®t RÃ©pondre le Chat Author: Caitlin Rating: Overall 17 Pairing: Ryan/Brendon Summary:Brendon Urie keeps the whole wheat bread in the cupboard so when the occasional unwanted visitor drops by it makes the cupboard look good, and Brendon Urie let's the many voices in his head influence his actual life. Brendon likes to take off all his clothing and slip on some roller-skates, blast his huge-ass surround sound and just go crazy in his late-parents mansion to the Back Street Boys. Brendon Urie wants to be a kid for ever, and for the past 21 years has been succeeding. But things are starting to change, and when Brendon is forced to get a job to help support his addiction to toys, candy, and energy drinks, he find himself a lead acting role... in the children's program, 'The Wiggles'. Brendon feels pretty at home, but the director Ryan is starting to change his outlook on life, and giving him the oddest feelings in his heart and crotch when he stares at Ryan's ass. When he innocently invites Ryan to become his roommate, things only get more and more unfamiliar, and even more unordinary. Disclaimer: This is real. Haha, I lie. Author Notes: Okay, so this is Ryan's introduction (I know it's short! Agagaaaha) so excuse the shortness, but the next post will be an actual chapter WHOOT!! More notes inside :D One Ryan Ross stared at the paper, wishing with all his might and mind power that the words would just dissipate from the paper. It didn't happen; Warning of Future Eviction still taunted him. What the fuck had happened to his life? He was living in the shittiest apartment, and barely even living there, he had no job after spending all his money on university, cigarettes, and booze. He needed to get out. He needed to just go somewhere he couldn't think, just let his mind be free from the smallest amount of time. That would be good enough. It had to be. He ran his fingers through his hair (which was getting quite greasy and would be soft, and shiny, and beautiful if he was cleansed) and grabbed an old blazer. Ryan found himself soaking up the beautiful sunshine and fluffy clouds, it was making him feel better every moment. He let his feet carry him towards a playground inhabited with laughing children, so he sat on the grass and watched them. He envied their ability to have not a care in the world and to just have fun and enjoy their lives. Ryan didn't enjoy his life, and he never really had. His whole life had been messy, whether it was his abusive Father to being jobless, broke, and almost homeless. He still had the scars from his Father's fist, and he could still remember where the many bruises had tainted his porcelain skin. When his Father finally died in his sleep, Ryan couldn't say he had been happy, but he wasn't exactly devastated. His relationship with his dad had been something people had tended to keep their noses out of, and although Ryan pretended he didn't give a shit, he was actually grateful for people giving him space. Even though they probably didn't, it kind of showed they at least cared enough to give him space. Ryan hated himself for some of that habits he had picked up like smoking and drinking but sometimes he felt it the only thing for him to do. Ryan's life had been filled with dramatic highs and lows, but mostly lows. He had been almost been pushed to the edge, meaning he had come so close to taking his own life, it scared the shit out of him. It had made him realize many thing and one of them being that he needed to get his life back into gear, or get it into gear (there was no 'back' to get into...). Ryan sighed as he saw a boy who couldn't be any younger than 18 or 19 drinking a juicebox and drawing things he couldn't see into the sand of the playground. He looked so out of place, and it was just odd to see a man alone in a play ground... but he didn't had a pedo air to him. Ryan could almost feel his innocence. Ryan saw that he was smiling, but he could see confusion and sadness glowing darkly in his eyes, and it was strange. His smile looked taped on like a mask. Ryan noticed random things, whether they meant something or it was a random person. Ryan was good at reading people, and figuring what was going on in their lives without a single bit of information. Ryan sighed, and looked at the laughing children again, tearing his gaze from the boy. He tried to absorb the obvious laughter and happiness radiating from the park but it was hard. Ryan just didn't know what the fuck to do, but it wasn't like this was the first he's had that problem. A/N: So this is short, but the next chapter is a real chapter with events. I want to warn you it skips straight to Ryan moving in D: But I've been thinking about writing a prequel or something about what happens when Brendon is working at The Wiggles. So please don't be disappointed about that! So I hope you'll like Ryan's short introduction :* I love comments and buzzing! Caitlin <3Next Update: Sunday, July 13

Chatons, sâ�™il vous plaÃ®t rÃ©pondre le chat (Chapter One)

Title: Chatons, sâ�™il vous plaÃ®t rÃ©pondre le chat Rating: Overall 17 Pairing: Ryan/Brendon Summary: Brendon Urie keeps the whole wheat bread in the cupboard so when the occasional unwanted visitor drops by, it makes the cupboard look good, and Brendon Urie let's the many voices in his head influence his life actual life. Brendon likes to take off all his clothing and slip on some roller-skates, blast his huge-ass surround sound and just go crazy in his late-parents mansion to the Back Street Boys. Brendon Urie wants to be a kid for ever, and for the past 21 years has been succeeding. But things are starting to change, and when Brendon is forced to get a job to help support his addiction to toys, candy, and energy drinks, he find himself a lead acting role... in the children's program, 'The Wiggles'. Brendon feels pretty at home, but the director Ryan is starting to change his outlook on life, and giving him the oddest feelings in his heart and crotch when he stares at Ryan's ass. When he innocently invites Ryan to become his roommate, things only get more and more unfamiliar, and even more unordinary. Disclaimer: This is real. Haha, I lie. Author Notes: Okay, so this is Brendon's introduction, and there will be Ryan's introduction next. Then after that there will be actual chapters, gah I'm excited! More notes after! :D Brendon let his feet dangle and sway off the swing while slurping a juice box noisily. He probably looked pretty out of place sitting on a swing surrounded by laughing children, but today was one of those days where Brendon had wished he was Peter Pan, well, that was basically everyday, but this was a day of mourning his non-peter self. On occasion, Brendon would suddenly snap to reality and it crashed hard in on him. It was startling to take a break from still acting like your 8 or 9 and just plain enjoying yourself without a care in the world. It was hard to become an adult (what he should be... but well, he just isn't and seems like he never will be.) and think about what would happen later in the future if his parents fortune ever ran out, what would happen then? What would happen when the money ran out because he had spent it on countless toys and vast amounts of candy and juice and Red Bull? He wouldn't be able to sell his late parents mancion that he ran around in a haze of giggles and energy every morning in roller skates. So, Brendon would go to sleep when those bad thoughts clouded his mind and when he woke up, all would be forgotton and his false reality of fun would return in full-swing. Brendon was never sad. His life was to good, so he felt it was unfair for those he weren't as fortunate for him to be sad for no reason, when they had one. He felt a frown never looked good on anyone, so all he did was smile. He also felt worrying was bad, so he forgot about the wrinkles he would get from the smiling. Brendon's philosphy was fun, smiling, laughter, and more fun. It had always been that way and he didn't plan on it changing. You see, Peter Pan was his idol. When he had been growing up he had used his pout to good use in begging his Mom to get him a custom made Peter outfit, just like the one in the movie. He would prance around in his spandex and just laugh for hours. It made him realize Peter was right, being a kid was the best thing ever. Ever since then he had never cried a tear, never frowned too much, and made the best of his situation. When he was 17, Brendon's parents had been on a plane to Paris for some romantic get-a-way in attempt to salvage their marriage (which Brendon was all for, because usually he couldn't stand being home alone, let alone for a week, but if it would keep his parents together and happy, Brendon would grudgingly sacrafice a week of terror for them.). When Brendon had been told the news, the smile faded, and he replied with a simple okay and shut the door in the police-man's face. His parents died is a plane crash, they were gone forever. He didn't mind that it was rude, because this was a special occasion.. his parents died is a plane crash, they were gone forever. Brendon didn't have any relatives, so he waited until he was rightful owner of his parents heir. During that time, Brendon changed a little. Sure he was still Peter Pan, but Peter didn't like the company of others much anymore. Before he couldn't stand being alone, but now, whenever another human was interacting or trying to, he would figit and make up some excuse, usually, 'I'm not feeling well..' to get away from the uncomfortable feelings in his stomach and listening to the voices that told him other people would just cause problems in his life. The swinging and drinking was starting to give Brendon a tummy-ache, so he sat down on the sand and drew things in it. He drew a heart, and then a frowning face, but then he gasped at himself, and punched the sand. Everything would be okay, it had to be. Frowning just makes things worse. Brendon didn't realise that he was 21, and that he should have grown up a long time ago. When your 21, you should be going to university, getting excited about the life that awaits you and most importantly, growing up. Those where all of Brendon's fears. Brendon's fears where starting to become more than just fears, a reality. The scary toad man had come and forced himself into Brendon's home, and Brendon had told he was sick but he didn't listen. He got a little angry with Brendon for no reason, and it upset him alot, but he still tried to keep smiling. The man told Brendon if he kept on the path he was, his money would be gone before he knew it. He still had a lot left, but if he wasn't careful, it would be drained in no time. Brendon didn't like bad news like this, so he tried to close his ears but the man wouldn't let him. His face got red and it was quite unattractive, and he continued to tell Brendon things he didn't want to hear. Brendon needed to get... a job. He kept talking, and after he left, his words had really taken an impact. If he could make Brendon Urie listen to him for an hour, then it must be important. Brendon tried to sleep it off, but when he woke up with a fresh bundle of energy, the feeling still hadn't disappeared. So here he was where he used to feel the safest, where he felt like he belonged and fit in; at the playground. Here he was and he sure as hell didn't fell any of the above, he wasn't sure of anything and Brendon Urie hated that. AN: Okay! So this is the first installment of the story! I am almost finished the entire story so updates will be quick, I guess I'll put the date of the next update below... So there will be one more introduction to Ryan and then the real chapters. I hope anyone who reads this enjoys this, and I will tell you this is my first chaptered fic so I hope it isn't a huge let down. If you read it, then hopefully you can take the time to comment and/or critique me, just make sure you aren't rude. I also want to add, sorry to the people who read my other story! I just lost inspiration but this story is pre-written, and I only have 2 more chapters until I'm finished writing so this one won't die! xxCaitlin :) P.S. I post these on my LJ first, so just putting that out there too.... OH AND BUZZING BABY! I LOVE THAT! Next Update: Thursday, July the 10th.

Esy Mac.

Dear Easy Mac, You do NOT know how much I love you Easy Mac. You do not know how much more pleasent you make my evening after a day of shopping in the USA (Yeah, I live in Canda.) After shopping in Hollister, Abercrombie, AE, that random vintage shop (OMG I love you sunglasses!) and searching for a fucking dress for hours, eating you makes me feel complete. I love you Easy Mac, and all those Mini Donuts with the white shit... OMGMMM Love, Caitlin

The Big Heart and the Big Apple Chapter Three

Brendon Urie looked good. He looked really good. He had trimmed his hair just a bit, so it still bothered his eyes but wasn't overly ridiculous. He was wearing contacts so glasses didn't obscure his big, chocolate brown eyes and they were rimmed in a barely noticeable, but quite effective layer or midnight blue eyeliner. Black skinny jeans hugged his butt to perfection, and a crisp white blouse with gorgeous minute details under a grey blazer looked awesome. If Brendon felt as good as he looked, then he was set for life, I swear. He adjusted his hair a millimeter to the left, then smiled a shy smile at himself. He didn't know why he was so nervous, because usually that wasn't a problem, but he was. Brendon went and chugged a Red Bull, turned his radio onto the highest volume and went crazy, like danced and crazy. Arms and skinny legs were everywhere! Brendon loved just going crazy, just doing what you want to and forgetting about everything for 3 minutes. He wished life were always like that, sometimes. By the time the song finished, he was out of breath and panting slightly, but that didn't stop his knee from still bouncing uncontrollably. Brendon turned off the Queen CD and gained some composure, after-all, he was going to be interviewed for Vogue in an hour give or take. Brendon flicked a piece of nonexistent dust or something off his shoulder and looked at the view of the busy city. The lights, life, and everything made his stomach do one of those familiar summersaults, and gained him some confidence. He was sure this was where he was meant to be, he had always heard about people being able to make you feel unstoppable or butterflies, but a city was doing this. He had never felt this way, about a person or anything really. And after a couple of deep breaths, Brendon raced out the door. He tried to get those confident vibes from the city like he usually did, but thinking about it made it much harder, all he could really take in was the fact that he was nervous as hell. Signaling a taxi was now not a problem for Brendon, and in a mere ten minutes or so he found himself sitting in a comfy chair, nervously flipping through a fashion magazine waiting to be interviewed for his job. The waiting was KILLING him, he usually didn't handle ripplingly anticipating moments like this everyday and the reality was crashing onto him fast and dangerously. What if he didn't get this job? What would he do then? He could rely on his parents to pay his rent and send him money, but well, he didn't want to, and he would have to get an actual job some time or other. 'Our editor will now see you Mr. Urie. Good luck!' The young, pretty receptionist batted her long, mascara drenched eye's and he smiled politely and thanked her. Standing up from the chair was hard considering his legs felt like they weren't there, but he did it. Brendon walked in what seemed like confidence to anyone who wasn't inside his head to the door, took a deep breath and entered. ***** Brendon skipped happily out of the Vogue building, smiling and lighting up a path in his wake. The interview had gone completely splendidly, and Lisa had told him with a smile, that she would have him contacted telling him whether he had gotten the job or not. He was so sure he had gotten the job it was insane. So insane, that he walked back to the apartment, but on the way made a stop at a pet store and when he walked out, he walked out with a tiny little grey kitten. At the apartment, Brendon did a pirouette and laughed as the kitten looked at him, and then sneeze. God, it made him smile. 'I shall name you... umm. I always liked the name Ryan.' A/N: Okay, so I'm really sorry this took so long, and that this chapter is a tad bit rushed, but I know if I didn't finish now and post it I never would for a while because my cousins and aunts and uncles are coming to visit for a while. They seriously leave me NO time for here, so I felt like I should post something even if it isn't as long and awesome as I want it to be. The next chapter won't be for a bit, but hopefully expect it longer and a little more high quality.. Did you see what I named the kitten? Umm any predictions? OH and I like my word ripplingly or whatever it was.. umm ignore that it makes no sense XD Commenting and buzzing always put the hugest smiles on my face <3 (I post all of this after it's been posted on S!ATD, and those were my slash a/u, and the only alterations I have to make is the next chapter is finished, but it will be up when I get some feedback and buzz! <3)

The Big Heart and the Big Apple Chapter Two

CHAPTER 2 Brendon pulled the lit cigarette up to his slightly parted lips and took a drag. It was a nasty habit he had picked up in high school, but he couldn't stop, and that was one thing he was really ashamed of himself for. He had many little bad habits, some worse than others. He also had trust issues, and sometimes control issues too. It was funny, because Brendon would see how long he could go without sleep or food just to feel in control of something because he knew that you couldn't control life. But sometimes he liked things out of control, he confused himself, and wasn't even close to understanding himself, but he hoped maybe once he moved to New York, it would make things a bit easier to untangle. Standing in the middle of Times Square in tight jeans, blazer, spiked and straightened hair and cigarette must have looked pretty cool, and Brendon felt really cool. It was awesome to feel this way, to finally be able to feel this way. In High School, Brendon always knew he looked good but he never felt it because of the things people said would completely crush the chance of feeling it. He could easily make it look like none of it effected him, but it had. That was one of the many appeals of New York, it had this feel like you could be anyone, do anything, and either no one cared, or you were accepted. And really that's all Brendon had ever wanted, and ever needed. Most of his peers didn't except him, his parents didn't except him (but they were still forced to support him.) It's not like they couldn't, because in their community if they rejected a child it would ruin their reputation and image, of course. Brendon's parents, Elizabeth and Boyd were the clicheÂ´ rich parents. They thew posh dinner parties and sat around gossiping and shopping or running a large, successful business. They gave their child everything (but proper love) in hopes of him being as rich and successful and conformed as them. When Brendon didn't turn out so, they weren't exactly happy. They got him counciling, they tried bribery, but Brendon was a strong minded boy, and if he wanted to wear bright skinny jeans and be gay then he would be, no matter what his parents wanted. He knew what he wanted and he would have it. But now he had it, and all he needed to do was figure out what to do with it. Well, first of all, he needed to get a new outfit for his Vogue internship interview that he had tomorrow. He needed to look stunning, hot, and professional. He threw his cigarette that he knew would someday kill him, stomped it out and walked straight over to Sak's. His parents had just given him ALOT of money, and he needed to spend it pronto. Immediately after walking into the posh store he spotted at least 5 items he would buy, or at least try on so he made a beeline for the dressing room 10 minutes later, arms stuffed with clothing. **** I'll have a vegetarian sub, ranch dressing, cucumbers, lettuce, on italian toasted. Oh and with cheese. White cheese. Brendon gave the subway girl a smile after his order, and watched her make the sandwich, making sure it met his standards. He also noticed the way she enviously looked at his many Sak's, Barney's, Hugo etc bags and it made him feel good. He knew it was probably bad to feel good when someone envied your money, but he couldn't help it. I'm not going to mention how much he spent, because it would give you brain damage, but it was a lot. But he defiantly needed a lot of fabulous clothing for an internship at Vogue, which he was sure he would get. He was as sure as he was when he was sure about getting into FIDM, and when he was moving here thinking that big things would eventually happen. Brendon paid for his Subway and walked out the door with the accompanying ping of the door opening for his exit. As soon as he got back to his smallish apartment, he would practice and plan out aspects of his interview. If he didn't get this job he didn't know what he would do, because he had been planning getting it since he was thirteen. Brendon decided that if he did get the job, he would buy himself a kitten. That was defiantly good enough reward, he had always wanted a kitten. AU: So, I finally had time to get this up, and I'm not sure I'm happy with the result. But as the story progresses you'll learn more and more about Brendon as it goes on, as long as the actual happenings. OH and all speak is in bold, is that okay? Anyways, the new chapter should be up by the end of the weekend, I really hope, and commenting and/or criticism AND BUZZING is appreciated as long as it isn't negative. (Buzzing can't be negative though.. so ignore the bit for buzzing being negative.) <3

The Big Apple and The Big Heart. Chapter 1

Brendon's stomach churned, summersaulted, and had seizures. His small body was filled with a rush of happiness and excitement and put him on a high that only this could give him. He was finally here. It was happening. Brendon had waited 5 years for this, and now that he was standing outside the airport, nearly midnight and he was absolutely stunned. People sat in cute little coffee shops sipping mochas and chatting to the waitress, and drunken men staggered out of strip joints, and people walking home from work were screaming onto their phones while signaling a Taxi. Brendon grinned as a screaming man in a suite rushed by, that was what he would be doing in a couple years time, except some minor differences. He had been right to buy an apartment before he had been accepted into school, and he had been right to go against his parents wishes and apply to fashion school and face their wrath. New York had a certain feel to it, a feeling like anything could happen, a feeling of freedom. Something only an open-minded 18 year old could feel. Brendon felt like he could take on the world, he knew it would happen.. he could make anything happen. It didn't matter that it took him a good amount of time to signal down a Taxi, because driving past all the lights and people mesmerized him. It was all so unreal, it was almost hard to take in. He was grinning so hard it was starting to ache, but like everything else, that didn't stop him, nothing did. Brendon pressed his forehead against the cold window and looked up at the high sky scrapers. It was almost hard to take in what was all happening, all that he had dreamed when he was younger was now a reality. He hadn't planned what would happen when he was in New York, just that he would be successful and happy, it seemed easy to write on paper, but actually happening? Looking up at the tall sky scrapers made him realize this wouldn't be easy. His apartment was small but very cute. It had a nice kitchen, a cute living room with a very nice view the the city, and his bedroom was spacious enough. Brendon double checked that the closet was huge (he needed the hugeness, he was a clothing-aholic.) and turned around to take in what would be his home. It had definite potential. He spent the rest of the night furnishing his small home with paintings, pictures, and decorations and by the beautiful morning sunset it seemed like his. All Brendon's life he had been teased for his eccentric and not afraid to be who he was style, but it wasn't like he cared. He was very animated and hyper, but also determined and efficient. The only real friend he had ever had was a boy named Jon Walker, his best friend through out high school and childhood. Jon had been like Brendon in many ways, he had a firm goal set in his mind, but instead of New York, it was Chicago. Brendon had been sad he would have to part ways with Jon but it was a necessary sacrifice. He knew he would meet people more like him in school, men who wore girl jeans and cut their own hair, and girls who accepted any sexuality. He was sure he would get plenty of friends, because it wasn't like Brendon wasn't charming, it's just he had never had the chance to be. Brendon sat himself down onto his small couch and thought about things; things that were going to happen and how. He needed to figure out the city, and be able to signal a Taxi. He needed to buy some new clothing and find a internship at a Fashion magazine, maybe Vogue? If Lauren Conrad could do it then so could he! There was so much to do, but Brendon wasn't even close to overwhelmed. Nonononononoooo. He had the whole summer until school starts and that much time to find, and land an internship. Life would be dandy. It will be, soon. Brendon examined the bathroom, and stripped himself of his clothing and turned on the water to as hot as it would go. He let the hot water cascade down his waif-ish body and melt away any worries that he might have had. It felt good to wash off all of that nervous sweat and leftover eyeliner. It felt good to have a shower that was actually his and not his parents. It was actually really cool that he had his own house, and he knew he could handle it even though he was only 18 with no life experience. Brendon studied his reflection in the fogged up mirror. He had always been proud of his features, pillowy lips, smooth milky, clear skin, big brown orbs and soft dark chocolate eyes. Brendon sighed as he ruffled his hair. This was happiness, this was his new life. This was New York. This was purely radical.

I'm Sorry.

Sometimes I wonder why we build things so strong, beautiful, and perfect if it is just going to be knocked down into nothing more that rubble and a memory? Why do we make promises if we never keep them? You say you will love me forever but you end up discarding me, just like when you throw up a crumpled paper, filled with rejected lyrics into the trash. I guess that was all I ever was to you... an inspiration for a sad song? Was I just an object to inspire you? You replaced me, the broken, rusty, toy car with a shining, sparkling new one; her. You thought I wasn't looking but was. I did see you and hers stolen glances. Those stolen glances radiated heat and passion. It broke me. I knew you two shared a secret, your half-hearted kisses you rarely awarded me anymore told me. They told me how you loved her, they told me horrid things, secrets I didn't want to hear. Secrets I didn't want to believe. I strolled in thinking maybe, this could be the day you realized how much you meant to me, and how you finally realized she couldn't compete with me. That you loved me... not her. Wrong. I walked in, and the secrets flashed right before my eyes dressed in a half-naked, passionate embrace. They weren't secrets anymore. You hung your head in shame, and mumbled you were sorry. You mumbled it as tears streamed down my face, and she still clutched onto you. You lied. You weren't sorry. So, I wasn't sorry when I pointed death at you and pulled the trigger. You weren't sorry when you slowly ripped my heart in two, one final tug finishing the job. You weren't sorry for throwing away all of our sweet kisses or strong friendship. You probably didn't have a second thought when you slipped in between the sheets with her, the first and last time, and all the times in between. Those love songs weren't for me, they were about her. Well... now I'm going to have to write a song about how you crumbled to the floor in-front of me, life draining our of you as quickly as the blood was. And how I'm not sorry. A/N: Okay, so this came out quickly, and I'm posting it from my LJ. I hope you like it, there will be more stories from me, this is just a taste of some. Buzzing+commenting= ETERNAL LOVE I imagined the pairing Brendon and Ryan, but you can decide if you want.